Watch Your Language

Several sleepy sales supervisors slowly sip similar Starbucks.
Myriad marketing managers imbibe multiple mocha lattes.
One web analyst wades through a thoroughly ponderous PowerPoint.

“So, you can see from this chart that the visits have increased over the past three weeks while the number of visitors is down, which translates to an increase in page views per visit in a relatively short period of time.”

Assorted senior search specialists sit listening listlessly.
Diverse designers dangle digital devices under their desks.
One web analyst meanders determinedly amid a dense data dump.

“We haven’t seen path abandonment like this since we unveiled our 6.2 site version eighteen months ago and that tells us our users are outside the target range identified by our survey results from 2009.”

Condescending content curators keep composure as they consider the clock.
Two testy technocrats attempt to tamp their impatience.
Eight exasperated executives exhale exhaustedly.

Then one maddened, melancholic colleague rises, halting the dismal dissertation about to spout, “WTF are you talking about?” but is silenced by a senior silver-back who sidles up wearily to the wary web analyst and proffers a potentially pleasing approach.

“Look to your language,” says he, “and many meetings may be more meaningful.”

Embarrassed from the bashing but attuned to attention, the wobbly web analyst focuses his full force on the firm and how it works. The next meeting is measurably different.

“The budget increase in search and display, along with our enhanced creative, caused an overall increase in interest in our company of 17 percent. That’s a big brand bump by any measure. We doubled the number of prospects in product lines A and B and tripled the number of qualified leads for product line C. With the new navigation menu makes it 40 percent easier for people to find what they want and they like what they see, staying longer and reading more. With decreased load time due to enhanced servers, customer satisfaction is up 15 percent. And, therefore, we project 20 percent higher sales in the third quarter.

Sales supervisors sat up.
Marketing managers made notes.
Senior search specialists smiled.
Delighted designers did a victory dance.
Content curators counted their blessings.
Technocrats took a bow.
Eight exhilarated executives inhaled their relief.